I am breastfeeding a half-awake toddler. What else is new. I think, for fun, I’ll let my phone choose the words for the next paragraph.
Wool is not the best in the world 🗺 but I have to say it is a realistic way of doing things and I have to say it was good for the whole world.
OK, what. No, that sentence was constructed entirely by the auto-complete function of my phone, just choosing each word in order from the first to the third. Oh my god what other wisdom does my phone possess? I will try again.
No, I tried, and it just kept coming up with gibberish. 😂 But really, wool is part of my plan to save the world through local economy and permaculture, so hey. I have this plan I call my ‘three sheep scheme’ that involves raising three sheep at a time on an acre. I’d use their wool to make a bit of money, and feed the soil with their shit, thus growing abundant food for all, and then neither eat them nor kill them. Total win-win for everyone involved. I feel like vegans would even support it. Well maybe.
I’ve been thinking about my future quite a bit lately, now that I’m mostly out the other end of babyhood. I want to work toward something that matters in the grander scheme, like plant trees for a living, or help other people plant trees, or maybe raise them for planting elsewhere? Dream big.😂
I’m looking into doing a Teagasc horticulture course up in Dublin, as well as an online permaculture design certificate. We also finally have a herd number meaning that we can keep livestock now. I am admittedly feeling despondent at the thought of raising fellow mammals for the slaughterhouse. I would much rather have a sanctuary for them, and that is my end goal. Herbivores are vital to the soil, so we have to have them here to rebuild biodiversity. I love them though and see their souls. My dream is to run a crowdfunding campaign to pay for their food and care so that I could justify keeping them to the conventional farmer on the hill. He once told me that I’m too soft to be a farmer, and he is right to an extent. I want to, however, find a way to redefine the concept of ‘a farmer’ for myself.
I think what I am is a gardener. I like to tend to plants and people and sheep and soil.
I’ve spent so much of my life trying to figure out what it is that I am, and I’ve wandered so many paths looking for it. I thought I wanted to teach, and after that, I thought perhaps it wasn’t teaching but healing I should pursue. I looked into medicine and felt like that road only led to the pharmaceutical industry. So I followed my heart to the sea and started to pursue oceanography, which, to be fair, probably would have suited. But I abruptly left that path when I met my Irish farmer, and I’ll tell you why.
Even after discovering the wonders of marine science I still felt, deep down, like it wasn’t exactly the right path. After years of reflection, I found that the only human activity that resonated with me was farming, specifically permaculture. Everything else seemed to take from our planet without giving back. In my core, I felt that the only right path for me was one in which I dedicated myself to our earth, and the only obvious route to accomplishing that was farming. Hence perusing farming blogs while low-key stalking some permaculture surfer dude. 😂
Anyway, when Simon and I connected through agriculture and then bonded over permaculture it felt like I had finally found my calling. That and a babelicious Irish musician with sea blue eyes and hair the color of ripe barley. 🌾 Oh, who gave me a book of Irish poetry when we met in person. And he wrote me a song about rabbits. Like melt.
As any reader of this blog knows, all my little permaculture dreams didn’t exactly take off when I emigrated. I found myself utterly lost in Ireland with all my once clear visions muddled. I went into shock for a while, experienced a nervous breakdown, got therapy, had a child, and now here we are.
I finally feel ready to start pursuing my permaculture vision again, and also I see it so much clearer than I did before. I see now that I can be a teacher and a healer all at once with permaculture design. I still have so much self-healing to do, but I have realized that doing a course in Dublin will likely help push me further in that direction.
Anyway, I’m just rambling on. I guess I am feeling hopeful? Optimistic? Feeling somewhat less confused about who what where why I am?
This permaculture epiphany comes, by the way, after heaps of research into every available career path in Ireland. I was writing content for a blog to keep busy and make some money, but that ended abruptly a few weeks ago. I looked into proper journalism, but I am too old to break into that industry, and I couldn’t see the point anyway (for myself – I’m not saying journalism isn’t essential – it is). Then I considered continuing my psychology education with aims to be a therapist, but like, I can’t see myself coping well with being inundated with people’s problems. I can barely deal with my own.
I looked into springboard courses, but they’re all pharmaceutical or marketing or computer science related, and none of that is for me. The answer, of course, isn’t on the internet, it is under my feet.
Anyway, I just realized how late it is, and my child is still napping. Alas alas, DISASTER! Thanks for reading my endless rambling. 🌿